4 Tips on How to Cope with a Long Distance Relationship

Relationships are hard. Long distance relationships can be harder.

For many, it's difficult to know how to cope with a long distance relationship that, at times, seems to bring more pain and loneliness than joy.

You see couples out on the town and you want nothing more than your other half to be there. But you know you won't be seeing the one you love for some time -- not for another few weeks, maybe even months.

Unfortunately, there isn't a special recipe for how to cope with a long distance relationship. Each person has different needs, and each long distance couple takes on the challenge in different ways.

However, there are some tips that help most couples cope.

1. Set an end date.

Not knowing when the distance will end is a source of anxiety for even the most level-headed person. Sure, life can make it difficult to pinpoint a date, but you should really try to establish one. After all, the fact you're in a long distance relationship speaks to the fact you're involved with someone you want to hold on to; more most couples, that bond will loosen if you're in different parts of the world for years on end. 

2. Establish routines.

Couples fall into routines. When you see someone in person regularly, it may be catching a show you love, or grabbing dinner at your favorite place. Establish routines with your long-distance love, too. Have date nights where you watch a movie together over the phone or simply times each week when you've promised to chat.

3. Remain vocal in your affection.

You have fewer kisses and hugs when you're miles apart. Without words reassuring the other person that they're loved and cherished, it can start to feel lonely being in long distance relationship. Let them know you love them.

4. Fill up your schedule.

It's hard to control how you respond to being alone; you can control how often you're alone, though. If you notice that it's more difficult to cope with your relationship when you're by yourself, dive into other activities. Go out with friends. Take a class. Join a meetup group.

For many people, it's hard to be away from a partner whose company they cherish. You can't find a set formula for how to cope with the loneliness that a long distance relationship can bring. However, most couples benefit from keeping routines, remaining vocal in their love, and staying busy. And better still, it helps if there's an end date on the horizon.

How to Apply the No Contact Rule When You Work Together

When relationships end, many advise using the no contact rule. It offers a clean break and gives you both time and space to heal.

But what if you are co-workers? How can you successfully apply the no contact rule when you work together?

I'll be honest: it's tricky. And not entirely possible.

Rather than applying the no contact rule in the workplace, you may have to go with a different strategy: the limited contact rule.

Here are tips for applying the limited contact rule, a spin-off of the no contact rule, when you work with your ex.

• Prioritize. Take a step back to figure which times, places, and topics will require interaction with you ex. I emphasize require because they should be truly important -- not excuses to talk. Similarly, pinpoint all the little interactions you had around the office that weren't so important and vow to ax them.
• Set ground rules. Explain to your ex which communication you're comfortable with and which conversations you plan to avoid in the future. Be clear, calm, and polite. That way, he or she won't be mystified when your interactions with them change. 
• Limit out-of-office chatter. For many businesses, socializing with coworkers comes with the territory. Don't let this expectation creep up on how you interact with your ex. Avoid lengthy conversations outside of traditional office hours, especially in the early days of the breakup. Cut the conversation short if the topics veer into territory that hasn't made your list of priorities (see the first bullet). 
• Try to move within the company. This doesn't work as well for smaller companies, but if you have a large employer, actively seek out internal positions that they're hiring for. Of course, don't do anything that will compromise your career, but if you see a vacancy that is a good match, go for it. If you land the position, it could enhance your resume while giving you space from your ex.
• Stay civil! No matter what happens, don't start slinging mud. You don't know if your ex will eventually serve as your supervisor, or will be contacted when you're on the hunt for new work. Keep your gaze towards the future and, no matter how bad you feel, don't cave into behavior driven by anger and hurt. It's not worth it.

The no contact rule is great for many couples going through breakups, but it's more difficult to use when you work with your ex. Instead, stick with a limited contact rule shaped by maturity and civility. And if the pain of working together proves to be too much, even months down the road, keep an open for new professional opportunities.

Should I Call My Long Distance Ex?

You tried a long distance relationship and it didn't work out. Maybe you ended it; maybe your ex did.

Now you're in the rubble of a failed relationship and you're getting the urge to reach out to your former partner. Questions are springing to mind, like: Should I call my long distance ex?

Before you pick up the phone, read on to learn when calling a long distance ex is OK and when it's bad, bad idea.

Good reasons to call your long distance ex

1. You want to get back with them -- If you initiated the breakup and now you're realizing that it was a huge mistake, you need to do some damage control, pronto. Get in touch (if they'll let you) and try to ease back into a friendship with this person. Don't pressure them; don't jump in too fast. You broke up with them, remember? They're still healing.

This advice only applies to good people who made a bad decisions. Serial off-and-on daters who have ended relationships (and got back together) more than they can count on one hand need to step back to deal with their own issues before they bring someone else into their lives.

2. The split was mutual, but you still didn't take it well -- Let's say you had a pretty healthy relationship but the distance was too much. You didn't have enough time or money to see each other with any kind of regularity and your careers seemed to be splitting into polarized directions. You both saw the issues and decided to end it.

In the hurt of losing a relationship that you cherished, even though you knew it was impossible it was to sustain at this time, you started acting out. You may have even been a bit mean. It was out of character and you're embarrassed.

In that case, sure, call them up. Clear the air. Stay on good terms.

Bad reasons to call your long distance ex

1. You're lonely -- Hearing their voice may temporarily ease the loneliness but you will only feel it 100x worse once you've ended the call! Go out with friends instead!

2. You want to get back at them -- Not with them, but at them. Your pain from the breakup is raw, and perhaps you're reflecting on all the messed up stuff they did to you. You want to make them hurt, too.

Don't.

Channel your energy somewhere else. Don't even give them the benefit of knowing you're even thinking about them, negatively or otherwise.

The best revenge is living a full, happy life. Live it!

3. You want to be friends... but you're still in love with them -- It's so difficult to start friendships with someone you once loved, or whom you still love. Any gains you get from their companionship in phone conversations will probably be undermined by the constant reminders that your ex is moving on with their life, probably dating other people.

It'll suck. Don't resume friendship until you're over them.

4. You want to be friends, but they're still in love with you -- Maybe you've moved on and you still quite like having your ex in the picture. You have fun conversations and they know you so well. It's good to have them in your corner.

But if you know they're still in love with you, it's mean to drag their post-breakup healing out, especially if you still flirt a bit. You don't have to go fully no contact, but don't give your ex false hope -- that's not cool.

Recap

Sometimes calling a long distance ex is OK. If breaking up was a terrible idea, you need to get in touch to make it right. Just don't rush into anything. And even if you don't want to get back together, there are some occasions where you may want to clear the air and apologize for any bad, disrespectful behavior on your part.

However, for most people, the answer to Should I call my long distance ex? is No!

4 Signs That a Long Distance Relationship Isn't Working

Sometimes you don't notice the signs at first. Something just feels off.

But eventually a clear, somber idea creeps into the back of your mind: My long distance relationship isn't working, is it?

It's no secret that long distance relationships are tough. They're not for everyone.

Wanting to hold on, some couples endure months, even years, of misery when they would have been much better off ending it.

What are some signs that a long distance relationship isn't working? How do you know if you should end your long distance relationship?

4 Signs That It's Time to End It

1. You're not happy now -- Forget about the past for a minute. Push those giddy days of falling in love to the side and focus on the here and now. Are you happy? How often has the relationship provided joy in the past week or month? And how often has it brought you down?

I'm not saying you should cut and run when times are tough. Couples hit rough patches. It happens.

What I am saying is that clinging to an unhappy present for the comfort of a once-happy past will probably lead you to a miserable future. 

2. You're not invested in the relationship's success -- Being far away from a partner is too much hassle for people who aren't heavily invested in the partnership's success. You both need to want it work. 

One of the most damning signs that a long distance relationship isn't working is when one of you has emotionally abandoned it. You may continue to make phone calls and send emails, but if the fire behind why you're sending them is gone, or if your partner feels the same, you have a potentially serious problem. 

3. Your life plan changes -- Usually, couples who are apart have a finish line. They plan to be together in the future and they're clear about when that will be, and where. Having a line in the sand can keep the relationship chugging forward even in the most demanding of times. 

You should consider ending the long distance relationship if it always seems impossible for you to ever close the distance. In other words, if neither of you will relocate, or if your plans for life shift dramatically, reconsider the merits of your relationship. Sure, you're getting emotional support now, but you could also be sabotaging yourself from meeting a partner who is better for you.

4. Your communication falters -- Communication is key. You can't talk past each other; you have to work together. And never-ending shouting matches can feel all the more painful when you don't have someone there in flesh and blood to interact with; frosty silences are perhaps even worse.

How to know if you should end a long distance relationship often boils down to this simple idea: No communication, no relationship. Period. 

The signs that a long distance relationship isn't working can creep up on you at first. You may feel something is off, but you're not fully sure how you can know that you should end your long distance relationship. You love your significant other, after all, and breakups hurt.

Avoiding the issues don't help, though. Slowly the signs will erode everything you've tried to build. By noticing them before they spiral out of control you can work to fix them or, if they can't be mended, you can walk away before too much damage happens.

Your Ex Boyfriend and the No Contact Rule: What You Need to Know

When relationships end, it hurts.

And when you're not even on speaking terms with your ex boyfriend after a breakup, it can really hurt.

But here's some good news for ladies who are feeling the pain of no contact. Even though the silence hurts, you can get through it.

And sometimes the no contact rule that's killing you right now is actually good for you. (Seriously.)

Here are some things you need to know about your ex boyfriend and the no contact rule after a breakup, like how to make the most of the distance, how long you should wait it out, and whether you'll ever be able to forget him.

What's the no contact rule?

It's a rule based on a simple idea: communication between exes should stop after the breakup. No texts. No emails. No late night phone calls about what went wrong. 

Pull the plug. Stop communicating.

Why go no contact? 

Unhealthy

Sometimes the reasons are manipulative. By withdrawing communication, one person believes, they can strike back at a person who cared for them. It can be really nasty when a dumper fluctuates between no contact and contact. So, they reach out to you one day, then they vanish for weeks afterwards.

It's like they're saying: I don't want you to move on with your life, but I don't want to be in your life either. 

Healthy

The rule shouldn't be used for manipulation. It should be a way to heal.

No contact is about getting emotional distance from a draining, hurtful, broken union. It's a way to clear your head and get over jerks who were never emotionally available.

In other words, it's not about seeking revenge on an ex. It's about you.

What should you when following the no contact rule?

Stay busy! Dive into hobbies that you have always wanted to try, but never gave a chance. Throw yourself into work or school. Learn a new skill. And even though it's probably not a great idea to enter straight into a serious relationship, there's nothing to say you can't go on a few dates and meet new people.

There's a huge world out there that has nothing to do with your ex. Enjoy it!

How long should no contact last?

This is a tricky question and, if I'm being honest, there is no right answer. It depends on so many variables: how long were you dating, why did it end, and how civil do you act towards each other?

Because the thing is, when you make contact with an ex, you can be opening a wound. Months of emotional healing can vanish after one hurtful phone call. (It sucks.)

So you have to consider that when deciding the right time for you. As a rule of thumb, start contact when you're emotionally prepared to cross that bridge. 

And please, only make contact if the relationship was fundamentally healthy! If your ex was abusive -- or if you were abusive to your ex -- let that ship sail. It's over. Move on. 

Will you ever forget him?

Let's say you have decided never to return to the relationship. It wasn't healthy, and you need out. Or maybe he is with someone new.

In that case, will you ever forget your ex?

Completely? Probably not. But will you move on? Yes!

When you're in love, that person holds such tremendous value that it's inconceivable living a life without them. But after some time, you'll notice something cool happening: You'll start functioning as an individual.

Sure, you may have done before, but not to this extent. You can finally figure out who you are, what you offer, and ways you want to improve yourself.

You'll realize once you get past your breakup: Wait a second! There are other men out there!

You'll get the exciting opportunity to re-learn a new person and to reveal all the awesome layers of you.

Final thoughts

The no contact rule shouldn't be about manipulation. It's not a game. 

It should be a way to put distance between you and your ex, which is an important step for all relationships that have come to a close, even more so if you were involved in a toxic partnership. 

It's your chance to thrive emotionally away from your ex boyfriend. 

It shouldn't be seen as a means of getting back with your ex. Instead, it's a way of coming into your own as an individual so that you're emotionally healthy for your next relationship, whether it is with a former flame or someone new.