But what if you are co-workers? How can you successfully apply the no contact rule when you work together?
I'll be honest: it's tricky. And not entirely possible.
Rather than applying the no contact rule in the workplace, you may have to go with a different strategy: the limited contact rule.
Here are tips for applying the limited contact rule, a spin-off of the no contact rule, when you work with your ex.
- Prioritize. Take a step back to figure which times, places, and topics will require interaction with you ex. I emphasize require because they should be truly important -- not excuses to talk. Similarly, pinpoint all the little interactions you had around the office that weren't so important and vow to ax them.
- Set ground rules. Explain to your ex which communication you're comfortable with and which conversations you plan to avoid in the future. Be clear, calm, and polite. That way, he or she won't be mystified when your interactions with them change.
- Limit out-of-office chatter. For many businesses, socializing with coworkers comes with the territory. Don't let this expectation creep up on how you interact with your ex. Avoid lengthy conversations outside of traditional office hours, especially in the early days of the breakup. Cut the conversation short if the topics veer into territory that hasn't made your list of priorities (see the first bullet).
- Try to move within the company. This doesn't work as well for smaller companies, but if you have a large employer, actively seek out internal positions that they're hiring for. Of course, don't do anything that will compromise your career, but if you see a vacancy that is a good match, go for it. If you land the position, it could enhance your resume while giving you space from your ex.
- Stay civil! No matter what happens, don't start slinging mud. You don't know if your ex will eventually serve as your supervisor, or will be contacted when you're on the hunt for new work. Keep your gaze towards the future and, no matter how bad you feel, don't cave into behavior driven by anger and hurt. It's not worth it.
The no contact rule is great for many couples going through breakups, but it's more difficult to use when you work with your ex. Instead, stick with a limited contact rule shaped by maturity and civility. And if the pain of working together proves to be too much, even months down the road, keep an open for new professional opportunities.
