4 Tips on How to Cope with a Long Distance Relationship

Relationships are hard. Long distance relationships can be harder.

For many, it's difficult to know how to cope with a long distance relationship that, at times, seems to bring more pain and loneliness than joy.

You see couples out on the town and you want nothing more than your other half to be there. But you know you won't be seeing the one you love for some time -- not for another few weeks, maybe even months.

Unfortunately, there isn't a special recipe for how to cope with a long distance relationship. Each person has different needs, and each long distance couple takes on the challenge in different ways.

However, there are some tips that help most couples cope.

1. Set an end date.

Not knowing when the distance will end is a source of anxiety for even the most level-headed person. Sure, life can make it difficult to pinpoint a date, but you should really try to establish one. After all, the fact you're in a long distance relationship speaks to the fact you're involved with someone you want to hold on to; more most couples, that bond will loosen if you're in different parts of the world for years on end. 

2. Establish routines.

Couples fall into routines. When you see someone in person regularly, it may be catching a show you love, or grabbing dinner at your favorite place. Establish routines with your long-distance love, too. Have date nights where you watch a movie together over the phone or simply times each week when you've promised to chat.

3. Remain vocal in your affection.

You have fewer kisses and hugs when you're miles apart. Without words reassuring the other person that they're loved and cherished, it can start to feel lonely being in long distance relationship. Let them know you love them.

4. Fill up your schedule.

It's hard to control how you respond to being alone; you can control how often you're alone, though. If you notice that it's more difficult to cope with your relationship when you're by yourself, dive into other activities. Go out with friends. Take a class. Join a meetup group.

For many people, it's hard to be away from a partner whose company they cherish. You can't find a set formula for how to cope with the loneliness that a long distance relationship can bring. However, most couples benefit from keeping routines, remaining vocal in their love, and staying busy. And better still, it helps if there's an end date on the horizon.

How to Apply the No Contact Rule When You Work Together

When relationships end, many advise using the no contact rule. It offers a clean break and gives you both time and space to heal.

But what if you are co-workers? How can you successfully apply the no contact rule when you work together?

I'll be honest: it's tricky. And not entirely possible.

Rather than applying the no contact rule in the workplace, you may have to go with a different strategy: the limited contact rule.

Here are tips for applying the limited contact rule, a spin-off of the no contact rule, when you work with your ex.

• Prioritize. Take a step back to figure which times, places, and topics will require interaction with you ex. I emphasize require because they should be truly important -- not excuses to talk. Similarly, pinpoint all the little interactions you had around the office that weren't so important and vow to ax them.
• Set ground rules. Explain to your ex which communication you're comfortable with and which conversations you plan to avoid in the future. Be clear, calm, and polite. That way, he or she won't be mystified when your interactions with them change. 
• Limit out-of-office chatter. For many businesses, socializing with coworkers comes with the territory. Don't let this expectation creep up on how you interact with your ex. Avoid lengthy conversations outside of traditional office hours, especially in the early days of the breakup. Cut the conversation short if the topics veer into territory that hasn't made your list of priorities (see the first bullet). 
• Try to move within the company. This doesn't work as well for smaller companies, but if you have a large employer, actively seek out internal positions that they're hiring for. Of course, don't do anything that will compromise your career, but if you see a vacancy that is a good match, go for it. If you land the position, it could enhance your resume while giving you space from your ex.
• Stay civil! No matter what happens, don't start slinging mud. You don't know if your ex will eventually serve as your supervisor, or will be contacted when you're on the hunt for new work. Keep your gaze towards the future and, no matter how bad you feel, don't cave into behavior driven by anger and hurt. It's not worth it.

The no contact rule is great for many couples going through breakups, but it's more difficult to use when you work with your ex. Instead, stick with a limited contact rule shaped by maturity and civility. And if the pain of working together proves to be too much, even months down the road, keep an open for new professional opportunities.

Should I Call My Long Distance Ex?

You tried a long distance relationship and it didn't work out. Maybe you ended it; maybe your ex did.

Now you're in the rubble of a failed relationship and you're getting the urge to reach out to your former partner. Questions are springing to mind, like: Should I call my long distance ex?

Before you pick up the phone, read on to learn when calling a long distance ex is OK and when it's bad, bad idea.

Good reasons to call your long distance ex

1. You want to get back with them -- If you initiated the breakup and now you're realizing that it was a huge mistake, you need to do some damage control, pronto. Get in touch (if they'll let you) and try to ease back into a friendship with this person. Don't pressure them; don't jump in too fast. You broke up with them, remember? They're still healing.

This advice only applies to good people who made a bad decisions. Serial off-and-on daters who have ended relationships (and got back together) more than they can count on one hand need to step back to deal with their own issues before they bring someone else into their lives.

2. The split was mutual, but you still didn't take it well -- Let's say you had a pretty healthy relationship but the distance was too much. You didn't have enough time or money to see each other with any kind of regularity and your careers seemed to be splitting into polarized directions. You both saw the issues and decided to end it.

In the hurt of losing a relationship that you cherished, even though you knew it was impossible it was to sustain at this time, you started acting out. You may have even been a bit mean. It was out of character and you're embarrassed.

In that case, sure, call them up. Clear the air. Stay on good terms.

Bad reasons to call your long distance ex

1. You're lonely -- Hearing their voice may temporarily ease the loneliness but you will only feel it 100x worse once you've ended the call! Go out with friends instead!

2. You want to get back at them -- Not with them, but at them. Your pain from the breakup is raw, and perhaps you're reflecting on all the messed up stuff they did to you. You want to make them hurt, too.

Don't.

Channel your energy somewhere else. Don't even give them the benefit of knowing you're even thinking about them, negatively or otherwise.

The best revenge is living a full, happy life. Live it!

3. You want to be friends... but you're still in love with them -- It's so difficult to start friendships with someone you once loved, or whom you still love. Any gains you get from their companionship in phone conversations will probably be undermined by the constant reminders that your ex is moving on with their life, probably dating other people.

It'll suck. Don't resume friendship until you're over them.

4. You want to be friends, but they're still in love with you -- Maybe you've moved on and you still quite like having your ex in the picture. You have fun conversations and they know you so well. It's good to have them in your corner.

But if you know they're still in love with you, it's mean to drag their post-breakup healing out, especially if you still flirt a bit. You don't have to go fully no contact, but don't give your ex false hope -- that's not cool.

Recap

Sometimes calling a long distance ex is OK. If breaking up was a terrible idea, you need to get in touch to make it right. Just don't rush into anything. And even if you don't want to get back together, there are some occasions where you may want to clear the air and apologize for any bad, disrespectful behavior on your part.

However, for most people, the answer to Should I call my long distance ex? is No!