How to Apply the No Contact Rule When You Work Together

When relationships end, many advise using the no contact rule. It offers a clean break and gives you both time and space to heal.

But what if you are co-workers? How can you successfully apply the no contact rule when you work together?

I'll be honest: it's tricky. And not entirely possible.

Rather than applying the no contact rule in the workplace, you may have to go with a different strategy: the limited contact rule.

Here are tips for applying the limited contact rule, a spin-off of the no contact rule, when you work with your ex.

• Prioritize. Take a step back to figure which times, places, and topics will require interaction with you ex. I emphasize require because they should be truly important -- not excuses to talk. Similarly, pinpoint all the little interactions you had around the office that weren't so important and vow to ax them.
• Set ground rules. Explain to your ex which communication you're comfortable with and which conversations you plan to avoid in the future. Be clear, calm, and polite. That way, he or she won't be mystified when your interactions with them change. 
• Limit out-of-office chatter. For many businesses, socializing with coworkers comes with the territory. Don't let this expectation creep up on how you interact with your ex. Avoid lengthy conversations outside of traditional office hours, especially in the early days of the breakup. Cut the conversation short if the topics veer into territory that hasn't made your list of priorities (see the first bullet). 
• Try to move within the company. This doesn't work as well for smaller companies, but if you have a large employer, actively seek out internal positions that they're hiring for. Of course, don't do anything that will compromise your career, but if you see a vacancy that is a good match, go for it. If you land the position, it could enhance your resume while giving you space from your ex.
• Stay civil! No matter what happens, don't start slinging mud. You don't know if your ex will eventually serve as your supervisor, or will be contacted when you're on the hunt for new work. Keep your gaze towards the future and, no matter how bad you feel, don't cave into behavior driven by anger and hurt. It's not worth it.

The no contact rule is great for many couples going through breakups, but it's more difficult to use when you work with your ex. Instead, stick with a limited contact rule shaped by maturity and civility. And if the pain of working together proves to be too much, even months down the road, keep an open for new professional opportunities.

Your Ex Boyfriend and the No Contact Rule: What You Need to Know

When relationships end, it hurts.

And when you're not even on speaking terms with your ex boyfriend after a breakup, it can really hurt.

But here's some good news for ladies who are feeling the pain of no contact. Even though the silence hurts, you can get through it.

And sometimes the no contact rule that's killing you right now is actually good for you. (Seriously.)

Here are some things you need to know about your ex boyfriend and the no contact rule after a breakup, like how to make the most of the distance, how long you should wait it out, and whether you'll ever be able to forget him.

What's the no contact rule?

It's a rule based on a simple idea: communication between exes should stop after the breakup. No texts. No emails. No late night phone calls about what went wrong. 

Pull the plug. Stop communicating.

Why go no contact? 

Unhealthy

Sometimes the reasons are manipulative. By withdrawing communication, one person believes, they can strike back at a person who cared for them. It can be really nasty when a dumper fluctuates between no contact and contact. So, they reach out to you one day, then they vanish for weeks afterwards.

It's like they're saying: I don't want you to move on with your life, but I don't want to be in your life either. 

Healthy

The rule shouldn't be used for manipulation. It should be a way to heal.

No contact is about getting emotional distance from a draining, hurtful, broken union. It's a way to clear your head and get over jerks who were never emotionally available.

In other words, it's not about seeking revenge on an ex. It's about you.

What should you when following the no contact rule?

Stay busy! Dive into hobbies that you have always wanted to try, but never gave a chance. Throw yourself into work or school. Learn a new skill. And even though it's probably not a great idea to enter straight into a serious relationship, there's nothing to say you can't go on a few dates and meet new people.

There's a huge world out there that has nothing to do with your ex. Enjoy it!

How long should no contact last?

This is a tricky question and, if I'm being honest, there is no right answer. It depends on so many variables: how long were you dating, why did it end, and how civil do you act towards each other?

Because the thing is, when you make contact with an ex, you can be opening a wound. Months of emotional healing can vanish after one hurtful phone call. (It sucks.)

So you have to consider that when deciding the right time for you. As a rule of thumb, start contact when you're emotionally prepared to cross that bridge. 

And please, only make contact if the relationship was fundamentally healthy! If your ex was abusive -- or if you were abusive to your ex -- let that ship sail. It's over. Move on. 

Will you ever forget him?

Let's say you have decided never to return to the relationship. It wasn't healthy, and you need out. Or maybe he is with someone new.

In that case, will you ever forget your ex?

Completely? Probably not. But will you move on? Yes!

When you're in love, that person holds such tremendous value that it's inconceivable living a life without them. But after some time, you'll notice something cool happening: You'll start functioning as an individual.

Sure, you may have done before, but not to this extent. You can finally figure out who you are, what you offer, and ways you want to improve yourself.

You'll realize once you get past your breakup: Wait a second! There are other men out there!

You'll get the exciting opportunity to re-learn a new person and to reveal all the awesome layers of you.

Final thoughts

The no contact rule shouldn't be about manipulation. It's not a game. 

It should be a way to put distance between you and your ex, which is an important step for all relationships that have come to a close, even more so if you were involved in a toxic partnership. 

It's your chance to thrive emotionally away from your ex boyfriend. 

It shouldn't be seen as a means of getting back with your ex. Instead, it's a way of coming into your own as an individual so that you're emotionally healthy for your next relationship, whether it is with a former flame or someone new.