How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back... When She Hates You!

You may have liked the freedom of being single at first, but now you're constantly wondering how to get your ex girlfriend back. To make matters worse, you're pretty sure she hates you.

Ouch.

It's never easy to win back an ex girlfriend, but when she hates you too? That's a tough situation.

Here are some tips to help you win her back.

Figure out where you messed up.

OK, she hates you. But why? Figure out which of your actions made her so angry. 

(Disclaimer: they should be legitimate reasons. Otherwise you may be trying to get back with a woman who isn't good for you! For example, flirting with other girls all the time? Good reason for her to be angry. Mad about eating your food too slowly? Stay away from her!)

(Second disclaimer: If things ended because you were a jerk, think carefully about whether it's fair to loop her back in.)

Start changing your behavior for real.

Girls can usually tell when you're putting on an act. If you want to change for the better so that you can get your ex girlfriend back, you need to change for real. Do it for you, away from her. 

For example, if she grew concerned that you weren't motivated enough to be her partner because you had just been fired from your job and were partying every day, start motivating yourself! Get your actions in order. Become the motivated man she aspired for you to be. 

(Disclaimer: you must also want to be that kind of man, but perhaps hadn't in the past out for whatever reason. Don't become someone you're not; be the better version of yourself you aspire to be. If she's good for you, chances are she wants the same thing for you.)

Take your time.

It's usually not idea to hop in and out of relationships, but it's even more rocky if one partner has deep emotional baggage about their partner. Take your time with rekindling your romance! Even if she shows hints that she may want to get back together, resist the urge to dive in. It could backfire.

Don't promote jealousy. 

Some men try to flaunt their conquests in front of the woman they want to be with, as though they're trying to say: Look how desirable I am!

For some women, this may work, but think about it: you would only attract the type of woman who wants what she can't have, not what she really wants. To start things on healthier footing, keep jealousy out of the mix. Feel free to date (you're single!), but don't rub it in your ex's face, thinking it will inspire her to run back into your arms. Probably won't work, and will only make things worse.

Know when you're defeated.

She may want nothing to do with you. At least not for a long, long time. If that seems to be the case, don't drag it out. Resist investing loads of emotional energy into a partnership that isn't to be. 

Besides, if you keep going after her, you could completely obliterate your chances of getting back with her some time in the distant future. 

Relationships are complicated, and ending them is even worse. Sometimes men realize what they had after that person is gone, forcing them to frantically wonder: How can I get my ex girlfriend back?!

A good mentality to have when trying to win an ex back, especially if she seems to hate your guts, if the idea that you're making life improvements for you and if she doesn't return, it will be difficult, but you will be able to find someone else. 

The Challenges of Leaving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

Leaving a person you love (or once loved) is a challenge. For many, moving on is even harder.

But leaving someone with borderline personality disorder? Very difficult!

Sure, some folks out there may get on just fine, many people claim that getting out of a relationship with a person suffering from borderline personality disorder is one of the most challenging things they have had to face.

Here are four challenges that can be unique to leaving someone with borderline personality disorder (otherwise known as BPD).

1. You may still want to help your ex. When someone is suffering, it is natural to want to help. And in the case of someone with BPD, they need assistance. But here's the thing: it can't be from you. And for a couple reasons.

First of all, if your partner hasn't pursued treatment, or not much, they need time (and visits to a psychologist / psychiatrist) to get things in order as an individual. They're not ready for a relationship.

Secondly, if you try anyway, you could get very hurt. Many suffering from borderline -- particularly if they haven't formed strategies for dealing with their symptoms -- can have cycles of being downright nasty and unwittingly manipulative to their loved ones, and for reasons beyond their control. (Not that it justifies it, but it makes things more complicated.) Sometimes you need to know when to protect yourself.

2. You may remember the good times (too much). The early days of relationship with someone with BPD are often idyllic. They seem wonderful. And you? They practically worship you. Even if you questioned their adoration, eventually you went along for the rise.

When the relationship ends, those loving, warm memories of early days can come back to haunt you. They block out the bad stuff, sometimes tempting you to return to a toxic relationship.

3. You might have to contend with the pain of knowing they hate you. People suffering from BPD struggle with intimacy, and often that means splitting a loved one black. In other words, it feels like you're being demonized by someone without really understanding why.

It sucks when someone hates you, but to not get the reasons behind it? To know that you haven't done anything that would qualify you for a circle in hell? It can be brutal!

4. You may struggle to put your finger on the truth. Alright, so truth is relative. It's one of those philosophical quandaries you can discuss for hours on end. But in many cases, you can form some version of the truth (up for review, of course) without tearing your hair out.

Reflecting on a relationship with a borderline doesn't afford that privilege. You don't want to completely dismiss everything about your partner -- it would be reductionist to assume everything they said or did was untrue or shaped by BPD -- but it can be tough to figure out what the heck just happened in your relationship (or your life).

These issues are just the tip of the iceberg. You will likely encounter a laundry list of challenges when leaving someone with borderline personality disorder. However, no matter how challenging it may get, there are plenty of people who have walked this path before you. With perseverance and guidance, you can make it through!

Surviving a Breakup When Your Ex Has Borderline Personality Disorder

When your partner has borderline personality disorder, the relationship can be a wild ride. Things usually start off great. But often it doesn't take long for the relationship to go sour, especially if your partner isn't getting treatment.

Surviving a breakup is difficult under any circumstance, but when your ex has BPD, it can be a whole different challenge.

Today I'm not going to be talking about what BPD is, how it affects relationships, and treatment options that are available. There's plenty of stuff floating around the Internet that deals with those (important!) topics. And chances are, if you've been involved with someone who has BPD, you've read a bunch of 'em!

Instead, I'm going to write about tips for surviving a breakup when your ex has borderline personality disorder. Some tips apply to most breakups; some are strictly for non-borderlines coming out of a relationship with someone who has the disorder.

1. Eat right, exercise, and get plenty of sleep. I know, I know, totally obvious. But important. And difficult to remember when your mind is spinning! Post notes around your home if you have to, but don't neglect your physical health! If you do, your psychological state will suffer along with your body.

2. Stop rationalizing. It's natural to break a failed relationship down, figure out what went wrong, and devise strategies for improvement that you can use in the future. When your ex has BPD, this tendency is not all that helpful. I'm not saying that relationships with people who have this disorder defy all comprehension, but it can be in a different ballpark than you're useful. (One that a trained member of the psychological community is best suited to navigate with you!)

3. Cut yourself some slack! Another tendency for non-borderlines post-breakup is to beat themselves up, chastising themselves for tiny things that would not summon so much as a blink in the vast majority of healthy relationships. Easier said than done, but if you know in your gut that you were a good partner (not perfect, but good) don't ruthlessly criticize yourself! Think: do you really deserve that kind of self-loathing?!

4. Keep your eyes to the future. Your relationship may have ended, but your life is FAR from over. I know that it is really, really challenging to get excited about the future when grappling with post-breakup depression, but try. Think about hobbies you want to do more. Friends you want to see. Skills you want to learn. Others in your social circle -- family and friends -- who love you. Your future is wide open! It may be scary, but it can also be exciting!

It is not easy to survive a breakup, and many breakups with folks who have borderline personality disorder tend to be pretty rough. But you can get through this!