Your Ex Boyfriend and the No Contact Rule: What You Need to Know

When relationships end, it hurts.

And when you're not even on speaking terms with your ex boyfriend after a breakup, it can really hurt.

But here's some good news for ladies who are feeling the pain of no contact. Even though the silence hurts, you can get through it.

And sometimes the no contact rule that's killing you right now is actually good for you. (Seriously.)

Here are some things you need to know about your ex boyfriend and the no contact rule after a breakup, like how to make the most of the distance, how long you should wait it out, and whether you'll ever be able to forget him.

What's the no contact rule?

It's a rule based on a simple idea: communication between exes should stop after the breakup. No texts. No emails. No late night phone calls about what went wrong. 

Pull the plug. Stop communicating.

Why go no contact? 

Unhealthy

Sometimes the reasons are manipulative. By withdrawing communication, one person believes, they can strike back at a person who cared for them. It can be really nasty when a dumper fluctuates between no contact and contact. So, they reach out to you one day, then they vanish for weeks afterwards.

It's like they're saying: I don't want you to move on with your life, but I don't want to be in your life either. 

Healthy

The rule shouldn't be used for manipulation. It should be a way to heal.

No contact is about getting emotional distance from a draining, hurtful, broken union. It's a way to clear your head and get over jerks who were never emotionally available.

In other words, it's not about seeking revenge on an ex. It's about you.

What should you when following the no contact rule?

Stay busy! Dive into hobbies that you have always wanted to try, but never gave a chance. Throw yourself into work or school. Learn a new skill. And even though it's probably not a great idea to enter straight into a serious relationship, there's nothing to say you can't go on a few dates and meet new people.

There's a huge world out there that has nothing to do with your ex. Enjoy it!

How long should no contact last?

This is a tricky question and, if I'm being honest, there is no right answer. It depends on so many variables: how long were you dating, why did it end, and how civil do you act towards each other?

Because the thing is, when you make contact with an ex, you can be opening a wound. Months of emotional healing can vanish after one hurtful phone call. (It sucks.)

So you have to consider that when deciding the right time for you. As a rule of thumb, start contact when you're emotionally prepared to cross that bridge. 

And please, only make contact if the relationship was fundamentally healthy! If your ex was abusive -- or if you were abusive to your ex -- let that ship sail. It's over. Move on. 

Will you ever forget him?

Let's say you have decided never to return to the relationship. It wasn't healthy, and you need out. Or maybe he is with someone new.

In that case, will you ever forget your ex?

Completely? Probably not. But will you move on? Yes!

When you're in love, that person holds such tremendous value that it's inconceivable living a life without them. But after some time, you'll notice something cool happening: You'll start functioning as an individual.

Sure, you may have done before, but not to this extent. You can finally figure out who you are, what you offer, and ways you want to improve yourself.

You'll realize once you get past your breakup: Wait a second! There are other men out there!

You'll get the exciting opportunity to re-learn a new person and to reveal all the awesome layers of you.

Final thoughts

The no contact rule shouldn't be about manipulation. It's not a game. 

It should be a way to put distance between you and your ex, which is an important step for all relationships that have come to a close, even more so if you were involved in a toxic partnership. 

It's your chance to thrive emotionally away from your ex boyfriend. 

It shouldn't be seen as a means of getting back with your ex. Instead, it's a way of coming into your own as an individual so that you're emotionally healthy for your next relationship, whether it is with a former flame or someone new.

7 Books to Buy Your Boyfriend for Christmas

Buying presents for the holiday season can be a nightmare. What should you buy for your boyfriend when the relationship is still somewhat new and you're still feeling each other out? If he reads from time to time, there are several great book options that make great gifts for the man in your life. Read on to learn 7 books that could make a great Christmas gift for your boyfriend.

1. Fight Club: A Novel
 It's gritty, violent, and spawned a cult classic film by the same name.

2. Siddhartha
 Perfect for an introspective other half with an interest in Eastern culture.

3. WAR
 Composed by one half of the team who made the hit documentary Restrepo, this book dives into the conflict in Afghanistan and the individuals on the front lines in the middle of it.

4. Darkly Dreaming Dexter
 The book that spawned the hit TV series.

5. The Mental Floss History of the United States: The (Almost) Complete and (Entirely) Entertaining Story of America
Funny and informative.

6. The Brothers Karamazov
 Deep psychological insight and superb storytelling. Bona fide classic of Russian literature.

7.The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America (The Book) Teacher's Edition: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction
 A bit dated, but still a hilarious romp through the history of the US.

Books make great gifts. They can provide an escape or help reveal a reality you hadn't considered before. They're also easy to get, and usually pretty inexpensive to buy. If you're stuck for gift ideas when thinking about your significant other, considering getting him a book. There are plenty of books to buy your boyfriend for Christmas that could inspire him to kick back and unwind with a good read.

How to Maintain a Good Relationship with Your Boyfriend

Love is in the air. You couldn't be happier. You've finally snagged a great boyfriend and you want it to last. Although your chemistry may be excellent and your conversations come naturally, your bond could always use some maintenance  Here are some tips on how to maintain a good relationship with your boyfriend.

Don't take him for granted.

At first, all the sweet things seem just that: sweet. You love the way he shows you he cares. But in time, you may fail to appreciate them, or worse, simply grow to expect them. Bad plan! Appreciate caring gestures. All of 'em.

Maintain your own life.

Strong relationships are usually borne out of two people who have busy, unique lives that are wonderfully intertwined. Once you lose your individuality, or try to make your boyfriend lose his, it's only a matter of time until your relationship goes sour. Maintain your own life in order to maintain a good relationship with your boyfriend.

Watch your finances.

Perhaps you can feel the impact less when you're young and new to the dating scene, but money impacts everyone. Happy relationships are usually financially happy relationships. Keep your finances in order, and encourage your boyfriend to do the same. And if money's tight? Stick to inexpensive and/or free dates until everything's sorted out!

Communicate well, and often.

A good relationship is usually formed out of good communication. Don't let this aspect of your partnership slip!

Read more on how to keep your relationship together: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lastsby Gary Chapman is an insightful book on "love languages," and what it takes to make romance last. (And others agree -- it's rated 4.7 stars on Amazon, with over 1,500+ reviews).

Keeping relationships strong is more of an art than a science. That doesn't mean, however, there are no tips to follow. If you want to maintain a good relationship with your boyfriend, enjoy the time you share while actively taking steps to keep things moving along beautifully.