How to Find a (Good!) Relationship

The question comes up a lot: How do I find a good relationship? Wanting a connection transcends life stages -- whether you're in college, getting your life back after divorce, retired, or established in a career. So, what's the trick to solving this common desire?

Here's how to find a relationship (a good one!) and it requires steps that are probably different than you think.

Stop looking!

I know, you're probably thinking: What?! But it's true! The more you focus on finding a suitable partner, the more it will stress you out, which will trickle over into how you interact with someone you find who you do like. That's not to say you should never approach people -- that's my last tip! -- but finding a relationship shouldn't occupy all your mental energy.

Get rid your checklist

Do you have a list of requirements for a partner that's a mile long? It's time to get rid of it. Or, at the least, do some editing. Having standards is excellent, as is knowing what you want. But sometimes great additions to your life emerge out of unsuspecting places. Be open to people who might initially be missing some of your requirements; you never know, they might offer something you'd hadn't even thought to put on your list.

Think about what you offer

If you've been single for longer than you would have liked and you're feeling down, it can be difficult to project the awesome person you are. Before you get down in the dumps, reflect for a minute: what do you offer? What cool things have you done? What went right in your previous relationship?

Dive into personal interests

You've got hobbies, right? Are you connected with all the organizations in your community related to them? Even if you can only commit so much time per week, having your feelers out in communities whose activities you love not only will contribute to your happiness, but will widen your social net to include like-minded people, which can be an effective solution for how to find a good relationship.

Interested in someone? Ask them out!

OK, this sounds obvious, I know. But please think for a moment: how many times have you had interest in someone, only to wait for the perfect time to make your move (which never came!)? Or believed the other person should approaching you? If you're serious about finding a relationship, you have to drop the excuses. Besides, what's the worry? You're probably asking them out for coffee, not marriage! (I hope.) Worst case scenario, they say they're busy, and then on to the next one.

Countless people wonder how to find a good relationship, the fact of the matter is, one solution doesn't fit all. The best thing you can do is invest time in yourself, stay calm, and if you do encounter someone you like, approach 'em!

How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend to Want You Back

Maybe your boyfriend broke up with you; perhaps you ended the relationship. Now, time has passed and you realize you want your ex back. But you can't just snap your fingers and start things over. You have to get your ex boyfriend to want you back. How can you make that happen?

I won't lie -- getting back together with something can be difficult, sometimes even impossible. But if you can pull it off and your relationship blossoms, it's worth it.

Give him space

Blowing up his phone every few minutes, or burying him in text messages isn't the way to go. Although it may seem strange, sometimes having no contact for a while can give him enough space to decompress.

Reflect on why you broke up

You've given him some space, which can be good for him, but is also good for you. It means you have time to distance yourself from this person and the emotionally-charged world of relationships.

In this neutral state, think back to some of the reasons you broke up. Did you two return to the same conflicts time and time again? Did your ex boyfriend often bring up the same complaints? Were these complaints justified and, if so, are you prepared to fix them?

These are all important issues to reflect on before trying to get back together. If you know which things are broken and why, and if you're prepared to fix them, then you stand a shot. If you want to start up things again without changing any part of your relationship, changes are you'll be exes again in no time.

Develop your friendship again

Successful relationships are often built on strong friendships. An excellent partner is also your best friend. After giving each other some space, ease into communication if your ex is open to it. Cultivate your friendship. Demonstrate to each other that you can be good friends, and in the process reveal all the cool things about each other that sparked the attraction in the first place. If you can't sustain a healthy friendship, your dating life will likely be unhealthy, too.

Stay busy

Don't focus all your energy on restarting your old relationship, though. That could make you come across as desperate, which may lower the chances of rekindling your romance. Stay invigorated and balanced by diving into work, school, clubs, or sports. Active, engaged people usually exude a bright, confident energy that is irresistible.

Be honest

It's been a few weeks, even months, since you broke up. You've given him some space, reflected on what went wrong, and developed independent interests. If you're still interesting in pursuing your romance -- and he seems like he may be open to the idea, too -- it's time to open up about what you want. Let him know how you feel.

Getting your ex boyfriend back can take time and patience. Remember, relationships take time to develop, so don't rush into old dating habits if you want to stand a good chance of keeping your boyfriend around for years to come.

Why You Might Not Want to Get Your Ex Back

So, you want your ex back?

Getting your ex back can sound good in theory, especially during those first few weeks (even months) after a breakup.

You may want to return to what you had, what you knew -- a return to what you thought was normalcy.

But guess what? It could be a terrible idea!

Here are some signs that you might not want to trying getting back with your former boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife.

They don't want you back

Do you really want to exert a lot of time and energy into securing the affections of someone who doesn't want you anymore? The initial pain of a breakup can pale in comparison to the long, dull ache of vying for the attention of someone who simply isn't interested.

They stifled your individuality 

Think back to when you were a couple. How often were you given the chance to explore your passions and interests? Do you think you've developed as an individual throughout your time together? Is your pain coming from the fact that your relationship started to make up the vast majority of your identity?

If you feel like less of an individual now, reconsider any effort to start things up again. Relationships come with sacrifices, but both parties should exercise some selflessness. If that doesn't happen, one person can become a shadow of what they once were, and that's a recipe for unhappy unions.

They have been your ex before

If this wasn't the first time you've broken up, guess what? Something's not right. No matter how much you may care for someone, sometimes relationships don't work out, and the reasons for their failure can be so multiple and complex that it defies absolute explanation.

Don't jump in a destructing cycle of breaking up and getting back together again. The damage will keep getting worse and it could make it difficult to move on to healthier relationships.

Resist the impulse to decide: I want to get back with my ex! Igniting an old romance can be emotionally exhausting and, in the long run, destructive. Before diving back into old dating routines, reflect on why you might not really want to get your ex back.